"Leaving on a Jet Plane"

This time 17 years ago, I was trying to figure out how I was going to survive the heat of the coming summer while pregnant.  I was awaiting the birth of a baby that I had longed for and thought I would never have.  I had already buried two babies and could not wrap my head around the fact that everything seemed to be going well this time.  I had no idea if we would be the parents of a son or daughter.  I was struggling with my blood pressure but was willing to do whatever I had to do to bring this baby home from the hospital.  In September, I gave birth to a beautiful blue-eyed, blond-haired, and precious baby boy.  We named him Austin and I fell immediately in love.  My heart was as full of love as it had ever been.  I decided to make Austin my career...literally.  2½ years later we had our daughter.  They have been what I have wrapped my life around ever since.

A few minutes ago, I hugged that sweet boy as he got in the car with his best friend and his best friend's mom to head out on a 10 day trip to the other side of the country.  I am thrilled that he has the opportunity and I look forward to hearing all about the trip, but that is my baby (even if he is 16).  I miss him already.  He can make me laugh more than anyone else.  He has been my buddy for all these years and I wish we were making this trip together.  He has never been away from home for this long.  He has never flown anywhere on a jet.  He has never been more than 400 miles from home.  He is going to have a lot of "firsts" in the next ten days.

As I sit here with all these mixed emotions, I realize that a day is coming when he will not live here and will have his own life elsewhere.  I am not certain that I am ready for that day.  Today has been hard enough.  I also know that this has been my job description all along...raising them to be independent.  As much as I miss him, this is a process.  This is God's way to prepare me for the day when he leaves home.  My prayer is that he has a great time on his trip, but for now, I am glad this is where he will return to.  I am enjoying every single day with my children at home because the day is coming when they will not be.

The Finish Line

I realized that I do my best when I have a goal.  I think we all do.  In fact, I think what keeps people strong when they are going through the hardest of times is when they think "Heaven is my goal".  Keeping our eyes on the prize is something I have heard my entire life but what is the prize?  As I sit here, in my "place", Starbucks, I have been thinking about goals and the ones I have made for myself.  I am actually researching how to go from an okay walker to a finisher of a half marathon in 193 days.  I am not certain how it is going to happen or how I am going to train for it but I already see myself crossing the finish line.  I have pictured it all as I have thought about it and I know it is a real place.  I am fully aware that other people have been there.  I have read about what it is like and I can feel it in my soul as I think about it.  The reality, I have never crossed the finish line of a half marathon.  I know that to get there, I am going to have to make a daily choice to think about it and to act as if I am going to cross that finish line.  I don't need to say I am a runner, I need to become one.  I will have to push myself to be more than I ever thought possible.  I am going to get blisters, bruises, and burns as I train, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will cross that finish line on October 29, 2011.

What about my spiritual finish line?  What do I choose to do each day that causes me to focus on that finish line?  Do I think that I can live as a lazy Christian and feel like I have run the race that was set before me?  Will I train daily regardless of how I feel?  Will I act Christlike or will I be Christlike?

Funny, I have volunteered for many athletic events and I have watched as many people cross the finish line.  Many of them have a look of thankfulness, others have a look of exhaustion, and some have a look of surprise that they made it.  At these events I help, I watch, and I encourage, but I am not a participant.  I leave the events tired and with a t-shirt that says I was there.  I do not leave the event as a successful participant though.  People who see me wearing my t-shirts would assume that I participated.  I do not want my Christian life to be this way.  I don't want to look like a Christian and not participate in all that the Lord has for me to do here in the race of life.  I want to cross that glorious finish line with total thankfulness and even exhaustion but not surprise.  I want to hear "Well done Jamie!"  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"

Hebrews 12:1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~